你知道我有多难过吗？

世界上最遥远的距离不是生与死别
而是我有空时你们全部没有空
你们全部都有空的时候我没空

当然这个也不能怪任何人啊
只能怪自己住的地方那么远
虽然说已经习惯了（是真的习惯了）
从进college到现在出来实习
跟同班私下一起出去有几次
有几次是自己提议的
有几次是被约的
两年整七百多天的时间
出去玩的次数两只手数的完
在槟城读了两年的时间
到现在Gurney还不会去
在槟城读了两年的时间
有多少个地方值得我们去的
而我到现在还没去过
在槟城读了两年的时间
以为可以接触很多新事物
然而到现在我却连星巴克都还没喝过
两年的时间真的说长不长说短不短
有多少人很清楚地知道
我是真的在关心TA
我这个坏习惯从以前就改不掉
两个妹妹情深至情淡
也不过只用了三年的时间
虽然从一开始就早已经料到了
可能对她们来说是没什么
虽然说还是有保持联系
虽然说一聊起来就可以聊到很起劲
只是再也找不到以前那种关心的理由
一旦有了另一半我就会放手
虽然说以前许下很多承诺（彼此）
可是到头来似乎只有我记得
你知道我有多难过吗

今天我又再次有了这种感觉
就区区一个小视频
我可以说是难过到绝望了
你们知道吗今天工作时看到那个小视频
我的眼泪差一点流出来了吗
我今天因为工作我忍了一整天
我今天一整天都在强颜欢笑
我今天很努力地在掩饰自己
我今天很努力地在抢工作做
我今天很努力地在让自己忙
我今天很努力地在让自己不去想那么多
好不容易冷静下来被经理看见了
我告诉经理我很压力因为我想很多
经理是个马来人可是她却没有怪我
反而说了一些道理安抚我
怎么感觉上每次我真的心冷的时候
只有大人们才能够安抚我啊
原因就是我根本就还不够成熟
什么叫做不够成熟呢
像我酱就是不够成熟了
可能所有事情的起源就是这个吧
可能你们会觉得其实我很多余
没错我是很多余（我是这样想的）
可能你们觉得我管的太多了
现在我自己是这样想的
可能你们会觉得我没必要这样做
我真的没有做什么
就你们一声称呼什么都变自然而然了
真的不是刻意的而是真心的
可是如果你们真的嫌我烦什么的
你们一定要跟我讲让我有心理准备
但是希望你们知道我是把你们排在我的第一的
你们的位置是在我家人之前的
如果你们不要的话我当然也不能强迫你们
其实一开始的是你们啊
你们可知道我有多高兴啊
发自内心的快乐啊
你们知道那种感觉我多久没体会到了吗
说到最后我没有怪任何人
没有人有错 只是我们没有天时地利人和那个缘分
现在没有 只能希望以后有吧
还有。。。别再分享照片了好吗
我真的会很难过
我看到就会很难过。。。

halo

finally i back here
without any purpose
without any reason
just to express some of my emotion
seriously i think i having problem with my health
i think i not feeling well since a few months ago
i cant sing a full song again which i can sing before
i feel bad in every moment
i feel want to meet everybody in a short moment
i dont feel like i can stay longer period
i dont feeling comfort

i try to communicate with someone else
i try to take care more about everyone
i try to learn more things in short period
i try to talk to you more every moment
i try to make myself more better than previous
i try to help everyone to reach their target

but i feel that i am tired
i feel i cant communicate with my mind
i feel i take care more i make it more worst
i feel i learn nothing although i try to learn
i feel i talk more i feel more annoying you
i feel i making myself worst day by day
i realize that i cant help anyone else..anymore

at first we become closer and closer
at first i feel very happy
at first i feel comfort while talking to all of you
now i still think we are close enough
but i dont feel very happy
and i dont feel comfort
because i started to think how to talk to you
i scare when i talk to you i talk the wrong things
i scare any mistake i make i will spoil all the things

am i thinking too much?
am i worry too much?
am i going to stay alive in coming 10 years?
am i having chance to take care of you all?
am i able to give more opinion to you all?
are you all willing to having me in your life?
are you?

im the type which always think too much
cause i really scare of losing anyone of you
someone told me before
i am over sensitive and that is really not good
but i cant stop thinking
i care of any changes of you
the ways you talk
the emotion you having
the every letter you type
the every punctuation
everything...anything...

im sorry if i giving too much pressure to you
im sorry if i too annoying for you
im sorry if i wasting too much of you time
im sorry if i am the one who make you emotion

i hope that all of you see it
and tell me that what i need to change
for now i need to think a lot before i reply
i free all the time and i see the conversation
i wanted to reply but i really scare
physical and mental of mine had changed
how long can i live?
how long will i leave?
sincerely i love all of you
i may leave one day
i will leave
i really dunno
and i love you..